Lesbeans Coffeehouse

Dominique Dickey

Overview

In a coffee shop on the border between two worlds, sword lesbians sip hot beverages, fight gentrification, and guard the precious Foxhole Woods from deadly cishet incursions. Lesbeans Coffeehouse balances high fantasy sensibility with stories set in the metropolis of your choice, with a focus on celebrating the magic of cozy queer love.

Principles

Find Magic Everywhere

The PCs are changed by the queer magical energy of the Foxhole Woods—an energy that they bring with them into all of their interactions. Maybe the magic is visible, a haze of glitter at the edge of your vision. Maybe the magic has a smell, the aroma of the pine forest permeating into the city. Maybe the magic is edible, in Lesbeans Coffehouse’s perfectly brewed drinks. Look for opportunities to inject magic into unlikely scenarios, as a mundane world is touched by a fantastical one.

Love Across Borders

The PCs have access to two worlds—that’s twice as many people to flirt with! Find romance with people outside of your home community, through coffeeshop meet-cutes with denizens of Foxhole Woods or the bustling city. Who can you introduce to the queer magic of the Foxhole Woods? Who can you introduce to the beautiful mundanity of your metropolis?

Protect Queer Havens

Lesbeans Coffeehouse and the Foxhole Woods are both queer havens in danger of falling into cishet hands. These spaces are vital to the communities that they serve, and to lose them would be devastating. Protecting Lesbeans from gentrification and the Foxhole Woods from cishet incursions may entail battle with your words, your swords, or your hearts.

Setting

Lesbeans Coffeehouse is a coffee shop on the border of two worlds: an existing metropolis of the GM’s choice, and the utopian Foxhole Woods. The Foxhole Woods or the metropolis can be the players’ home community; players can be baristas and co-owners of Lesbeans, or customers with an emotional stake in the business’s success. In the Foxhole Woods, the very air is laden with magic. This magic reveals queer people as their true selves, in all their beautiful glory. Crossing the threshold from Lesbeans to the woods entails a magical-girl-style transformation into the most badass and sparkly version of yourself. The Foxhole Woods are governed by the wise Queen Eustace, a bachelorette looking for a match, and her teenage daughter Arabella. Eustace and Arabella live in a castle built into a large pine tree, overlooking the Woods.

Locations in the Foxhole Woods include:

• Kelley Falls, a chain of waterfalls where the fertile ground grows many enchanted plants
• Mariella’s Tavern, an alehouse where wicked adventures begin
• The dueling cave, an underground cavern where official conflicts are resolved through combat

Lesbeans has drawn an unusual number of cishet customers recently, due to rumors spreading throughout town of the drinks’ magical effects. Although business is booming, land developer Mabel York has her eye on the property, with the full backing of the (mostly white) City Council.

In the mundane world, people in power follow rumors of magical places, seeking to exploit the magic; your average citizen is unaware of this conflict, and perhaps unaware of the existence of magic altogether.

In the real world, gentrification is a racialized process, in which people of color are priced out of areas that have historically belonged to them. Exploring the racial dimensions of gentrification at your own gaming table is optional; if you choose to do so, pay attention to how you assign racial descriptors to NPCs such as Mabel York and the members of City Council.

Will Lesbeans Coffeehouse be priced out of their property? Will cishet customers discover the entrance to the Foxhole Woods? Will Queen Eustace find true love? Play to find out!

Campaigns

Protecting the Foxhole Woods

The PCs are natives of the Foxhole Woods, crossing back and forth between the magical and mundane worlds at will. The door between the worlds is in danger of discovery by denizens of the metropolis, and the PCs have been tasked with keeping the magic of the Foxhole Woods from becoming known to cishets.

Adventure Ideas:

• Princess Arabella has made an illicit outing into the mundane world to rendezvous with her secret crush. Can you find her and return her home, without wrecking her budding romance? Can you prevent her from spilling the truth about the Foxhole Woods to the wrong parties?
• Queen Eustace has tasked you with developing a new magical drink that convinces cishets that there is nothing extraordinary about Lesbeans Coffeehouse. Inventing such a drink requires ingredients from throughout the Foxhole Woods, as well as a few special flavors from the mundane world. Can you find all the necessary ingredients before nosy cishets find their way into the Foxhole Woods?
• The members of City Council have discovered the Foxhole Woods, and want to harness the magic to use towards their own political ends. Can you prevent them from harming the Foxhole Woods through a combination of flirtation, negotiation, and sword-wielding?

Barista Babes

The PCs are baristas at the collectively-owned Lesbeans Coffeehouse, and may be natives of the metropolis or of the Foxhole Woods. After hours, the PCs are responsible for hosting a series of meetups for the local queer community. Their speed-dating events are always a hit, though they rarely go according to plan.

Adventure Ideas:

• Queen Eustace plans to venture into the mundane world to try her hand at finding love. She’s been unlucky in love before, and has a series of specifications that her new partner must meet. Can the PCs set her up with her perfect bride?
• The cishets are crashing your speed-dating night, determined to enjoy the magical beverages of Lesbeans and fall in heterosexual love with each other. Can you show them enough magic to awaken any latent queerness in them, without fully revealing the secrets of the Foxhole Woods?
• Real estate developer Mabel York has gotten wind of the magic behind Lesbeans Coffeehouse, and is working towards buying the property, which would endanger the door between the worlds. Can you convince her to back off before the sale is made?

Characters

The Foxhole Woods

Queen Eustace (she/her): The wise, steadfast (and single!) ruler of the Foxhole Woods. She leads her domain from a modest castle built inside a large pine tree. She’s not easily flustered and is notoriously difficult to flirt with—past romances have left her particular about who she trusts with her wit and with her heart, though she’s ready to seek love again. Her top priorities are protecting the Foxhole Woods and keeping her daughter safe. Although she may be queen, she’s not above fighting her own battles, with her words or with her broadsword. If she counts on you with her domain or her daughter, you’d better not let her down.

Princess Arabella (she/her): Queen Eustace’s teenage daughter, and a budding protector of the Foxhole Woods. She’s perhaps even pickier than her mother, and anyone who seeks to romance the queen must meet Arabella’s approval. Arabella is fiercely curious about the mundane world beyond the Foxhole Woods; although she’s forbidden from visiting the metropolis, she frequently sneaks out to seek romantic adventures of her own.

Carter (she/her): Queen Eustace’s bodyguard. She would do anything to further her queen’s interests, whether that means fighting invading cishets with her quarterstaff or serving as a wingwoman. She tries to keep her relationship with Queen Eustace purely professional, but can’t hide her crush on the magnetic monarch.

The Metropolis

Mabel York (she/her): A real estate developer in the metropolis with her eye on Lesbeans Coffeehouse as her next converted property. She’s known for buying up local businesses and turning the properties into a string of identical apartment buildings, with rent far too expensive for any residents in the area. She has most of the City Council in her pocket, funding their campaigns in exchange for leniency when it comes to zoning laws. Although she enjoys the drinks at Lesbeans, she would be even happier turning the block into an upscale apartment building than she is sitting in the window booth sipping a cappuccino.

Brandy Ryan (she/her): The City Council president. She has a big gay crush on Mabel York, but probably doesn’t know she’s queer yet. She loves the vibe at Lesbeans Coffeehouse and generally feels accepted in the space, but totally supports Mabel’s agenda to buy the property. If she could witness the queer magic of the Foxhole Woods, something might awaken within her...

Chloe Davila (they/them): Princess Arabella’s secret love interest. A freshman at the nearby university, they frequent Lesbeans Coffeehouse for marathon caffeine-fueled study sessions. They know that Arabella’s mother would never approve of them as a match for the princess and are content to keep their love under wraps, confined to surreptitious dates at Lesbeans Coffeehouse.

Names

The Foxhole Woods

• Allia
• Celia
• Lyna
• Marguerite
• Winnifred

The Metropolis

• Anita Erikson
• Georgina Kramer
• Gertrude Nunez
• Kathy Poole
• Violet Hodge

Custom Rules